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Dec. 6th, 2005

Benjamin and I tried hanging out this weekend. Things were fine for a few hours, then turned sour... with a quickness. Random crap, topped off with lying again. To my face, when the truth was painfully obvious. He was "blacked out," (dextromethorphan + alcohol) so I guess lying is accepted (?). He lies while sober too, though, just not as blatantly. I don't know why I try. I really do love this person, but he lies, and I really dislike lies. Maybe it's because he's become an integral part of my life? 8 months is steep. Maybe the pain in my stomach is loneliness, knowing that it will only go away if I accept someone who doesn't value me into my life as a lover. I'm sure he values me, but not in a relationship-"worthy" way if he lies. I don't even know if this is coming out the right way. Feh. I just want him not to lie and not to hurt me, then things would be perfect. I guess I should give up if I've made this clear to him, and he still doesn't change, right? I'm putting myself into this willingly. I'm acting a fool.

Work's still fun. I really like the people I work with.

I went to my sister-in-law's baby shower this weekend. Got to hang out with the fam, which wasn't bad. Made plans to hang out with my cousin this weekend. She's a pretty cool chick, I always thought she was a do-gooder until I really got to talk to her a few years ago. I knew I wasn't the only "bad" kid in the family. I'm just the only one who doesn't hide it... most of it. Of course I hide the copious amounts of crack I smoke. haha.

Comments

( 1 thoughts — questions, comments, concerns? )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 9th, 2005 11:54 pm (UTC)
Im home
HEY THERE THIS IS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD HERBIE

I moved back to huntington. got a place down in Ceredo but anyhoo

Please call me 304 654 2490 Would love to just hang out and shit
( 1 thoughts — questions, comments, concerns? )

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